Guh...

Need sleep... Talk later

Tech Support Pricing

Tech Support Pricing Structure

Regular Prices for Technical Support/System Administration:

Calling me with a question $10
Calling me with a stupid question $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate $30
Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description $1000+punitive damages
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once $100
If you interrupt me while I was reading news $25/hr
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem $45/hr
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now $50/hr
If you've come to ask me why something isn't working that I'm currently working on $70/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday $75/hr
If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix $85/hr
Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone $1500.00
Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. $1700.00
Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home $500.00
Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do $150.00
Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do $300.00
Not telling all of your co-workers about it $850.00
Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive $50.00
BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive $250.00
Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mousepad $25.00
Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees $35.00
Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers $50.00
Fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge $35.00
Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button $250.00
Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on $200.00
Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the ethernet transceiver back in $375.00
Fixing the crashed nameserver by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentally yanked out on Friday afternoon when the 'real' sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation $400
Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in $50
Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there $10
Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server $500
Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger $25
Changing memory partitions without informing me first $50
Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first $100
Technical support for the above programs $150/hr
Spilling coke on keyboard $25 plus cost of keyboard
Spilling coke on monitor $50 plus cost of monitor
Spilling coke on CPU $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system
Leaving files on desktop $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed
Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy
Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine $200
Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus $25
Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets $50
Spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me; to do!" $40
Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Nevermind." $35 (including discount for polite apology)
Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software $25
Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests $45
Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line $55
Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)
Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points $15
If I wrote the sign $45
If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door $75
Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem $25.00
Reporting it more than once $50.00
Reporting it more than once and implying slothfullness on tech support's inability to solve problem $200.00
Special Rates:Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help $100.00/hour
Dealing with computer hobbyists $125.00/hour
Questioning the other prices ........... $50

Madre de Pollo

Well, all but 4 chicks went home with their new family and I had 4 left to go as of this morning. Last night I had to help one along. It was so stressful! I wanted this little critter to make it so badly and it dd. Hmm, I wonder if I could make some diapers and convince my landlord that it's a really big parakeet.

One more has hatched and another is on it's way. Sadly I had one intra-ovum demise. He made it up until just a couple of days ago, but somehow just gave out. I wasn't up for an autopsy so I'll never know.

I have about 23 more on their way in a week or so, hopefully that will go well. It should be fun!

Baking

I'm thinking of baking crap for people. There are bake sales and kids around here and at school that might benefit from someone baking for them. I'm poor and like to bake and people are busy or lazy and don't so I could create handmade stuff for them that they can pass off as their own instead of bringing Oreos or sheet cakes. I made Zucchini bread muffins with hazelnuts. A few of them are overdone but hopefully most of them turned out pretty well. I was planning on freezing a few, eating a few and taking the rest around for people to taste. You never know maybe I can make some extra money. That would be fantastic.

Hedgeclipper Haircut

So during the bath last night the baby got a bit of trim. The only issue was that he is a BABY, it was BATH-TIME and I was CUTTING his hair. So he looks like he tangled with a weed whacker and lost. Granted I think I cut a bit off of every hair on his head but that's also the issue. Well at least it looks better than when I took him to the stylist last. We'll just have to have Auntie Rachel come for visit.

Dirty, Sticky Things

It's true, chicks are disgusting when they come out of the shell. They're all gooey and wet. Give them a couple of hours and they fluff up beautifully.

'Edward! Edward! Did I do right?'
- "You've done beautifully Tubbs!"

Yes I have chicks hatching right now. They are busting their way out in every effort to become egg-laying garbage composters. I have about 8 that are hatching out right ow and another 20 or so that will be out in a week or so.

I was the seed faery today. I have extra seeds since I have no dirt so I went around school randomly giving them away. It was fun to watch garden geeks faces just light up. I do have my evil purpose since I told them if they grew zukes then I get some to make zuke bread. YAY!

Baby, screaming and wailing... Back momentarily, or at least when he decides that life is truly wonderful again or is in bed.

Um, yeah...

Look only a month this time!

Let's see, I'm not really prepared for this as I sort of stumbled upon this page drunk with reading Internet shite.

I have Across the Universe on in the background and I'm hoping I don't get shot for it. I've been watching it daily for... Hmm, awhile now. I don't know if it's cute English guys that are getting me or Salma Hayek writhing in a nurse's costume or just the Beatles running through it all. It's absolutely fantastic.

I just had more of that spastic testing done on Friday to figure out what my intelligence issues are. You know, the "Well she's pretty intelligent but DAMN she's dumb!" The tester guy, real nice, has convinced me that I need to wait on Spanish until I'm away from A&P. With my memory I think I believe him. I now have to re-do my buggered schedule again. Now I'm just having fun with it though. I have realized that the semesters I spend here at Cowley should be fun as well as informative because when I head off to Newman it will be the grinding tedium of clinicals with no real chance for anything else. I'm leaning towards some music and arty things instead of nailing down math, A&P and Psych. Maybe I can learn to throw pots and dance. Does that sound like early mid-life crisis or what?

Felix is well and handsome. Poor little guy has serious tushie thrush that makes his hind end look a bit like hamburger but it's slowly clearing up. He's learning more words everyday, is happy as a clam most of the time (What a weird expression, I'll have to look up where it came from. Who ever thought to check the psyches of bivalves?) and is definitely on his way to becoming a well adjusted young man. I want to talk to the other Felix though.

Since I have no dirt, I'm excited to say that I got an Aerogarden and am growing herbs in my kitchen. I just got some new pans so I can cook properly. I even bought some Marmite for toast. (I don't know, I just thought I'd try it. It's foul and good at the same time. The baby likes it at least.)

I'm still fat and not even trying to work on it, but not in desperate self-loathing with it or anything. I'm having a rockin' time with cooing stuff but there are usually so many leftovers I just don't know what to do with it all. I'm still on cooking for 2 fat people mode instead of 1 baby and one trying to lose some weight chick. That and the baby doens't nurse almost at all nymore. It's more of a comfort thing for himadn I and I think that's a good thing. He's a real guy though. Every time my top is off, there is only begging until I get another one on. AH, AH, AH!!! He seems to have a panty fetish too. He keeps getting them from my stash and wearing them around his head. I say he's just practicing for college.

I wated Duplex last night. Ugh.

I watched walk the line again last night. Great!

I ignored the wind that shakes the barley tonight and fel the worse for it. It looks fantastic. It's about Ireland in the 20's. Cillian Murphy, drip, drip.

Hmm, it's 2 that means WAY past bed. G'night.

It's only been two years...

Well i'm tired, sore, grumpy and ailing. I have school tomorrow which I'm not ready for and have been dreaming romantically which is throwing me completely off.

My son is growing and handsome. We've just had his pictures done and in only a few days my son will have been created 2 years ago. Happy St. Patrick's Day to us, or did you never wonder at his second middle name?